Greetings from across the sea, ladies and lads!
Although there may not be a lot of you looking upon this here blog, I would like to take the time to say I’m grateful to see a gleam in your eye for quality. So cast off any delusions that you’ll be reading a post rating the aptitude to the specific amount of ass-suck in any given movie or game…
…that shall come later. Let’s dig into ThatLady’s Top 12 Movies! (To her immediate knowledge.)
1: The Time Machine (2002) – “Ah, who can’t enjoy this sci-fi movie adaptation of a movie adaptation of H.G. Wells’ epic novel, The Time Machine?” She asked rhetorically with high hopes no one would rain judgment and fire upon her. I, personally, remember watching this film at an age where I hadn’t come to the conclusion that movies had genres other than being a “good movie” or a “scary movie with the snowman/alien clown/masked man with a large knife not even the armed forces could stop”… Okay, that last one was maybe a little tampered with but I swear to you if I had the words to put it together in such a graceful way, this would be it.
Two words: Guy. Pearce. I don’t care what kind of homophobe you could be going into this movie, but you’ll leave it proclaiming amongst a trusted few of your friends of the amount of filacio you’d spare for Pearce. To be fair, I believe Pearce has a time machine of his own; the man never ages. Oh… where’s my glass of water, I’m feelin’ faint.
Okay, onto why I actually like this movie; it’s a fun sci-fi with amazing visual effects, tragedy, and an interesting insight to the technological advances of the human race as well as commentary on its inevitable demise. A very solid point to this film is that you feel like you’re moving through time with how often they change up the scene. They do an excellent job using colors to set an exploratory tone throughout the film. Honestly, I could watch this movie in awe just about every time.
Maybe the acting isn’t something I’d devote too much attention to; it’s still worth a good watch. NEXT!
2: Predator (1987) – An alien warrior, a group of disposable extras, a damsel, and a confused visitor from the stars trying to play nice with the scary Austrian.
Eh? Eh? Like what I did there? Ah, screw it. Predator is a great action film; it takes one of our most beloved action stars and puts him in a position to wipe out an advance alien threat. Maybe the moral of the story is you shouldn’t rely too much on technology or you won’t find the ‘riod inflicted bodybuilder hiding in a light layer of mud.
And it’s a moral I keep nearest and dearest to my heart. Khorne, be praised.
3: Sweet Home Alabama (2002) – Okay, okay, hold on. Before you immediately stop reading and turn me toward the Shame Corner, allow me to pull out my womanly excuses based off popular stereotypes.
My ovaries tell me that this movie is charming, funny, full of all those favorite chick-flicky tropes set up to make you feel good about the conclusion of this film. Reese Witherspoon delivers a solid, enjoyable roll in this film playing a girl who achieves everything she’s ever dreamed of; a successful career, a high social standing, and a boyfriend turned fiancé when he pops the question with the shiniest display of diamond rings to choose from.
No, wait, the movie’s not over! I promise! Now is the part where the fiancé wishes to meet her parents, but who could’ve guessed that her parents are the most poisonous and feared monsters this side of the continent has ever seen—Gasp! Southern trash! Oh, the agony! …Alright, so clearly that was a poor excuse for a joke but Reese’s character doesn’t feel the same as she tries her best to avoid her two worlds clashing. It’s only crazy antics and a long lost love interest away from its conclusion!
I don’t expect most of you to really give this movie a chance but in the case your man-period speaks to you, try it out. (Also, Jewel covers the Sweet Home Alabama song in only a way she can. My womandom has spoken!)
4: Princess Mononoke (1997) – What words are there to say about a Miyazaki film that can convey how beautiful and touching this film truly is? Princess Mononoke touches on so many emotional bases; love, hate, consequences of war, forgiveness, acceptance, destiny, honor. Not only that, a slew of American talent to voice all the characters, even down to the more perceptively miniscule.
Although this film is as wonderful as I boast it to be, I don’t always feel in the mood for it’s snail-like pace. It picks up more in its second half, which is more than fine. With a boy torn from his home and family by a curse, a town with a too-smart-for-her-own-good war bound headmistress, a family of giant wolves and their infamously proclaimed princess this movie offers plenty to be wowed over.
5: 28 Days (2000) – What’s wrong with me? Those baby-makin’ lower abdomen organs are calling again. They tell me I need more Sandra Bullock. Speaking of which, a Sandra Bullock movie is on my list! Hurray!
Gotta say, Bullock is one of my favorite funny ladies next to Betty White, Sarah Silverman and Maria Bamford (I know, this is a pretty odd choice of comedians). Something about this movie, the selection of talent, and the themes that really connects me to how real these characters seem even with the notable famous faces. Maybe because it was pre-Lord-of-The-Rings, but damn, does Viggo Mortensen look great as a blond, professional-baseball-playing womanizer. Oh, LAWD.
A woman who takes control of her life and alcohol addiction by taking responsibility for who she was and what she had done. This movie may not be everyone’s cup of tea but it was a nice ride filled with nice little jokes. A real feel-good movie, I recommend it to anyone.
Side-note: ALAN TUDYK!!!
6: Planet Hulk (2010) – Do I have any comic book readers? Well, even if you don’t read much, I’m sure you’ve seen all the renditions Hollywood has made of the gamma-roid giant but have you seen a rendition of Hulk where he’s not a stumbling anger-baby scared of lightning? Congratulations, you stumbled into the right post.
Planet Hulk is a comic series where Hulk was cleverly cast away by the eight smartest people on Earth, coming to the conclusion that Hulk was the central of too much collateral damage. They strapped him to a rocket and blasted him to a planet on the other side of the universe, a planet with no intelligible life forms where he won’t be able to hurt anyone ever again…
With a malfunction, courtesy of Hulk’s fists, that made the ship go off course and land on a planet Sakaar where the inhabitants take the incapacitated giant to be a slave fighting for his life as a gladiator. This has to be my favorite story arc for this series, Hulk goes through a series of trials that helps him fight as a team, he becomes more than just an aimless monster, he finds a love that helps him accept both sides of himself as the same person. These are all things I’ve always wanted to see for Banner, to stop moping around rejecting Hulk as some kind of affliction and become a true superhero.
I seriously hope to see a War World Hulk movie in my lifetime! That would be the most epic and excitingly jizz-tastic movie I’d ever have the privilege of watching!
7: The Fifth Element (1997) – I honestly don’t need to say much about this film, it will always be a classic that keeps me smiling with it’s extreme-futuristic French design and their young cast of my favorite actors (with the exception of Chris Tucker, I’ve never seen a more annoying actor but he owns this role).
The Fifth Element has humor, action-based humor and action-based badassery brought to you by the Willis himself. After a long sigh heavy with bro/romantic crush/lust for the squinty-eyed master of gruff, Mr. Brooklyn-accent— Okay, maybe I’m dragging this out a bit— he is cast opposite the very beautiful Milla Jovovich, age 19 in this role. Both of them have such chemistry in this film and obviously had plenty of fun during the making, it makes this film endlessly enjoyable.
With two tough main characters, a warrior race with much honor to flaunt, a “faaaaabulous” bad guy, and a priest and his prophecy picture book foretelling the end of days how could you not go to your local video store/Netflix and not check this movie out? Believe me, it’s a fun little ride through the universe and back. It’s super green!
8: TRON (1982-2010) – I think I might actually be that rare sum of (awesome) people who took the time to watch the original TRON before being wowed by the 2010 sequel. Honestly, even in a generation where clear gorgeous graphics mean everything, I found myself in awe of the 1982 film. Casting baby Jeff Bridges, they really couldn’t go wrong with the charm of this film. Even with simple color tones that would cause blacklight suicide and the virtually nonexistent soundtrack, it didn’t get too boring to watch.
As much as the second movie did right, I still feel a kinship to the first and it keeps me smiling when I think of how any other film that would just replace their lead but not TRON. It’ll remain a fond memory and a vivid fantasy for those who invest themselves to the glamour of living in a computer.
9: The Matrix Trilogy (1999-2003) – Yes, I know! This is kinda cheating having a whole trilogy wrapped together, I know! But seriously, why would anyone want just a piece of a story when it’s the whole that leaves the best impact. Imagine only ever watching Reloaded and judging how “eh” it is when you could enjoy it more knowing the movie before it was a great setup to an ultimately amazing apocalyptic Sci-Fi fantasy! It would just be shameful.
It has a lot of amazing tones and themes to these movies besides the obvious Jesus motif, “the chosen one” complex. If you’re on the outside spectrum, the group of those who didn’t care for this movie for it’s over abundance of… everything, then I completely understand. It does get a bit silly with all the leather/spandex, the high design shades, and the often-cheesy dialog—I can get that. As I may not have said before, I am a lover of films that make me think and feel and The Matrix Trilogy (subtracted from all the things that make it so Sci-fi heavy) is a movie that does just that.
10: The Chronicles of Riddick (2000-2004) – An obvious choice, some may think, but I feel that I love these films mostly because of how much it stands out from a good number of films. You have a serial killer who’s absurdly loveable (I call the “loveable asshole”), a woman drowned in guilt for how she came upon being looked up to as the leader/captain, a little boy who may not be who he says he is, and a group of characters not just for killing off. Well… maybe just the holy man’s followers.
When day sinks away with the sun and night casts a blanket of perpetual darkness, what are you more afraid of? The shroud? Or what crawls from the depths of it?
11: Serenity (2005) – Allow me to contain my love for t—FIIIIIIIIIIIIREFLYYYYYYYYY!!
“Ahem. Let’s continue,” she insisted with a nervous quiver.
Serenity is a film based off their TV show, Firefly. Written and directed by “God of The Nerds”, Joss Whedon, this film gives so much of what the fans wanted to see especially after Firefly’s premature cancellation years before. Whedon even confirmed that this movie was just a condensed version of what he planned season two to be, allowing room for true fans to be hopeful for the future. Since it has been five years since the movie aired, the chances are stacked greatly against the dream of seeing Serenity fly across the stars on the big or small screen but our hope gleams bright even in the darkness of space.
I’d like to be honest about my fandom and how it started. As sad as it makes me not to have enjoyed Firefly when it first aired (back in yesteryear of 2002), I actually watched Serenity first somewhere around 2006. If I can say anything other than how frustrated as a fan that I couldn’t have supported it from way back when… is that Serenity is written in such a beautiful way that new comers to the franchise can just jump write in and you won’t feel as if you missed something. In one clean opening shot, you get introduced to the crew and their duty on the ship.
If you can, check out the show if you’ve seen the film. If you haven’t seen either, I would suggest you watch the movie first if you’re not too into a slow paced pilot episode but believe me when I say that it’s all amazing once you push your way through the first two episodes. They’re all great stories.
12: Star Wars (1977-2005) – Okay, I know, I cheat like this way too often but either agree with me or suck it up!
This is my favorite movie franchise, my favorite story, my favorite universe; Star Wars has given birth to the Jedi Order, to Wookies, Ewoks, the Huts, Jar-Jar, not-terribly-epic-in-hindsight space battles, Human-Cyborg relations (not like that you sicko), to a plethora of unique and endlessly compelling lure that keeps you watching. Lightsabers being one of the coolest weapons to have ever come out of a Sci-Fi wet dream, this series offers so much to be loved or hated yet either way there’s much passion for and against it.
A boy born from the prophesized Jedi to bring balance and peace to the Force; with him journeys an old man to train Luke in the ways of the force, a reluctant and handsome smuggler, a tall man in a furry suit, and two endlessly ill-equipped robots that overcome the oddest of trials. This movie provides a unique escape for Sci-Fi enthusiasts; it’s a must-see for anyone strong with The Force.