Okay, okay, okay, Minions. I know. I’m late. Episode one already came and past, even episode two flew past me without so much as a post or a whisper. Be sure, I am here now! So let’s go over it.
WARNING: THERE ARE SPOILERS AHEAD. If you haven’t already seen either episode, get to it. They stream them on HBO or you can get it the way anyone with no cable and very little patience to sit through commercials would do. Now GO DO IT.
Done? Alright, let’s begin.
Episode One: Building Up Build-Up.
As you all may know already the first episode starts off strongly with Tywin unsheathing Ice, Ned Stark’s beautiful Valyrian steel great sword. What does he do to commemorate his actions in the finale of last season? He melts down the metal to forge two swords; Jamie’s Oathkeeper and Joffery’s Widow’s Wail. Past this scene, the show starts taking a turn for the more boring quick edits, lets-catch-up-with-the-people-that-makes-the-fanbase-and-boobs direction where we catch up with Jaime now that he’s back home. we catch up with Cercei and all her semi-conscious unprejudiced loathing. We catch up with Daeny across the Narrow Sea for a quick quip about everything the trailer promised about taming dragons as well as a brief reminder that Daario Naharis was recast and more seemingly irrelevant things. Oh, and dead children. All leading up to the best part of episode one, many agree; The Not-Exposition Dump, Arya and Gregor Cligane. Reaping rightful vengeance after nearly 35 minutes of waiting for something to happen.
Oh, did I not mention Jon Snow? Like I said, nothing happens.
Alright, on to…
Episode Two: Finally Gettin’ Some Traction.
This is the episode everyone’s waiting for and, if you’ve seen it, you understand why it’s so important and you’ll know what the rest of the season will be mostly focused on. If you’ve read the books then you’re in the same boat as me with questions like, “how will they ever divide up this season with all that’s left to go over in book 3?” and, “will they even get to book 4?” and maybe, “will they ever make a Arya/Hound spin-off where they travel the countryside on wacky and misguided adventures?”. All of these and more will never be answered. Well… that last one anyway, the other two will come in time, do not fret.
Things happen in this episode that I was happy about seeing, I laughed, and I was slightly annoyed that certain details changed from the books but I’ve come to terms over the last 3 seasons that it doesn’t really effect me. If I have one complaint it’s that there are these really badass quotes in the books that are sorely missed in the show. Okay, to things you’re more interested about! Episode two is quite nice. They speed things up, pass certain points but they don’t look over how much the Dawnish and the Lannisters absolutely loathe each other. Surprisingly and yet unsurprisingly, there’s more of Cercei in this episode than I predicted there would be. She was there to give threats, to refuse food for the needy, to cockblock some old maester, flipping out over the brief loss of power and her determination to continue to assert dominance… As pathetic as it comes off, she gives some really good lines this episode even if she’s highly intolerable pushing you toward the innocence of crashing small puppies with the fine point of a stiletto. Speaking of incest, Jaime’s back with more off-handed swordplay! But this time he’s more suited to defend himself now that he’s not starved, dancing in mud, or drinking horse piss. Many kudos to that man, may he… may he find another woman to love. Brienne, maybe? They were pretty cute together. Seriously, Cercei doesn’t want him inside of her, she wants to be him.
After last episode’s climax, I can see why Arya was looked over this episode, although I was looking forward to seeing more of that little bloody angel. As much as everyone hates Sansa, I actually sympathize with her a lot. I know, I know! Save your cabbage and tomatoes for another more unpopular opinion. Just think about it this way, she’s a girl. Nothing offensive to my fair kind but Sansa’s been brought up as a girl filled with stories of shining knights and their tales of valor, she has unrealistic views of how the world really is and that’s the more perilous mindset in Game of Thrones. You may even think she’s the cause of all this, the reason why her father di– Alright! I’ll break even with you, she did push her father to confess to something he didn’t do but to be fair she had no idea that Joff was the little shit he is.
Oh, neat little funfact!
Did any of you know that Bran isn’t the only worg among his siblings? There’s no telling whether or not Sansa ever had these kinds of powers since Lady was killed off so early but all the Stark children seem to have this ability. Yes, even a bastard like Snow. I think the writers might have thought it would take too much screentime if they had to cover more of the Starks having dreams of controlling their dire wolves or maybe they wanted Bran to stand out more. Other than the symbolism the wolves hold to the Stark children, it’s pretty interesting to know that they’re much more than they themselves know. Now only to see where it leads up to… I see disappointment in my future.
Oh, right! Theon! How could I have– ([snores obnoxiously])– Not a damn person cares for Theon, it’s the sad truth. It would’ve been nice if there was a redeeming quality to him but not even when he’s demeaned and stripped of everything he used to define himself with, at the bare bones of it all, does he try to seek vengeance on a single Bolton nor bastard for killing the man who was like family.I understand it’s supposed to show how much he’s fallen into the madness of Reak but… Jeez, still such an detestable character, you can’t feel much pity over his loses. I have just one or two others who I know feel sorry for him on the grounds of, “no man should experience that”. It’s possible to shed a tear if it were Rob in his stead but otherwise, ehhhh. Enjoy your new friends, Reak.
Well, that’s all I have to say about this episode! Catch another one of my updates for this Sunday’s new episode of Game Of Thrones. Like, write, and follow us if you enjoyed the read! Until next time! Ciao, Minions!