Alright, I’m back, Minions! Excuse me for my lateness, I had a terrible deadline and I’m most likely bring dishonor onto myself and my family. On to Game of Thrones! Whoo! Finally something dramatic happens! But first a run through of the last episode.
Again, I think this may be obvious but SPOILERS AHEAD. Maybe.
Tommen is crowned, but for how long? Cercei has a mother-daughter/sister talk with Marge that’s so out of character that I could hear the whoosh of all the perishable goods being thrown at the screen. Two seconds of Pyter and Sansa before yet another misstep in translation that make it easier for the screenwriters to avoid having to explain then back to the reintroduction of Lysa Tully and her disgusting spawn. Less said about that the better. Whoo! Reveals! More rush now.
Through a almost forced conversation between Tywin and Cercei, yet another conversation where we can almost visually see her connecting points of comparison between them with a blush, we find out the Lannisters who “shit gold” are broke. Like, broke-broke. Jump to Arya and The Hound, we have a great bonding moment where Gregor teaches Arya the lesson Danny DeVito taught Mara Wilson. A sweet scene between Sansa and Lysa where we find out the bitch is Nuckin’ Futs, as the common people say. Sansa couldn’t be in better, murderous hands. Brienne and Pod are in this episode. A gorgeous interaction between two gorgeous people, Cercei plays a sympathy card to convince Oberyn Martell to give her baby girl a birthday gift ’cause we need to remember she’s a good mom. Happy Mother’s Day?
Bran is still captured like an idiot, has to make tough decisions and we walks away from this event with a lesson learned. That lesson being this arc was fkin’ pointless. Jon kills dudes, yaay! Aaaaaaaand… Episode DONE. What have we learned this week, Minions? That’s right, this is the season of the long drawn out episodes filled with nothing remotely interesting nor noteworthy.
Alright! Episode 5 out the way, we can talk about Episode 6. Or as I like to call it, “Why The Fuck Was Stannis In My Tyrion Episode?” Braavos finally joined the intro! I wonder what that would mean for u– No Stannis! Get out! Get out!!
In this episode we see the struggles of rule when a goat herder loses his flock–and not his son– to the swiftly growing baby dragons. Like the realism of human choices that our video games attempt to replicate, and often times fail at, Daeny suffers the first strike of guilt when a son of Meereen wishes to give his father a proper burial now that he’s a rotten corpse crucified for a crime he was actively against. This wasn’t a terrible scene to endure since the books never set up any kind of backlash for her choice to nail these men to spikes so seeing it here was only wounding to see our Khaleesi feel the weight of her choices as their queen. There will always be a fear of becoming those you have sworn to defeat. Of becoming like the one who enslaved you.
As for the rest of the episode, we get to focus even more on Tyrion! Which… by this point just means his trial and inevitable execution. I may not speak for everyone but if it means Tyrion stays alive for a little longer, I would have been fine with some delays. Although, seeing what we were given this episode, what a hell of a ride! Peter Dinklage put on such an amazing performance. I was a little disappointed that he didn’t speak out more and I almost felt it was a lazy suggestion but comparatively to how he was balanced between uncaring and betrayed it was such a great moment to have those emotions climax. You can see the malice and loathing boiling over his teeth as we get to see Tyrion’s “ugly face”, the monster everyone likes to believe he is.
Not taking anyone for an idiot but may I ask if anyone else saw how scripted Shae’s responses were? You, too, huh? Shae wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t for someone with enough authority to pull her back into this circus. It could have very well been the queen regent. It could have been Tywin, he’s pretty manipulative like that. It could have been done to further teach Tyrion that valuable lesson not to sleep with whores. What a mistake that will show to be, Tyrion is way too smart for his own well being. Things are finally getting interesting but we must wait another week to find out what the producers will think is more important to focus on. Hopefully, it’s not fkin’ Jon.
Seriously, we need to speed things up with this story this season has been set to a snails pace. Anyone could argue that it’s just build up, it’s just setting up for what’s to come but I can already tell you it’s bullshit. This season has been all over the place and hoped everyone would be satisfied once Joff was dead. Hell no. So much crap was supposed to have happened already, it’s almost as believable as The Others just having a little picnic out in the beautiful arctic blizzards trying to go about their everyday without disturbing the humans on their playtime.
Rant over, Minions. I hoped you liked my article and I hope to catch you again on the next episode of Game of Thrones.May the light of The Seven ever shine in your favor!