I’m not really sure where to begin with this so I’m just going to start typing and see where it goes.
I never knew my grandparents on my father’s side of the family. I guess before I go any further I should let you all know that I’m a Black/White man. My mother is Black and my father is White. My father comes from a long line of racist people. My great grandfather (on my grandmother’s side) was a high ranking member of the KKK so it’s only natural that he would’ve raised his kids to hate people of a different race. Times were very different back then towards Black people. My mom regularly tells me how proud my father was to be my dad when I was born. I think she does that because she knows we’re not very close, but I love my dad. I do. I just don’t know how to get to know him because we’re two completely different people. He loves tools, cars, and manly stuff while I’m a major nerd that has no interest in any of those things. He’s hard to approach and I never know what to say to start a conversation. When I asked my mom why I never had a relationship with my grandparents she told me that when I was born they told my father they didn’t want to be around a little half nigger. She said it broke my father’s heart and he never took me back to see his parents. He confirmed the story and there you have it. That’s why I never knew my dad’s parents.
We just found out that my grandmother died, but the situation around her passing pissed me off. My father never had the chance to say his goodbyes to his dad. His family waited almost a week to tell my dad that his father had died. This time his nephew waited a whole year to tell anyone. He hid my grandmother away from the world and collected her social security checks while alienating everyone that tried to find her. He would lie and say she was living in a retirement home when she was dead this entire time. My uncle is not a good dude. He’s violent, abusive, and likes to rape people. I’m angry because of the pain that my father is feeling right now. He never had a great relationship with his parents. He actually didn’t have one with them at all because of what happened when I was born among other circumstances. My aunt regularly tells me that her parents were evil people. I have mixed feelings because the few times that I did see them they were always nice to me. My grandfather died when I was just a boy and I haven’t seen my grandmother in almost 15 years. It’s hard to mourn for a person that I never knew, but I’m still sad because my dad is. I haven’t seen my father cry since I was a child and there he was… sitting on his bed with tears running down his face. It broke my heart and when I found out the truth on what had happened to my grandmother I got incredibly angry. I’m so angry that I can’t breathe and that’s why I’m writing this now. I don’t want to do anything stupid so I’m venting here to all of you.
I have grandparents now and the only thing I can think of his the fact that one day I’ll be without my mom and dad and that’s something I’m just not ready for. My grandmother died alone because of the choices she made in life, but if I would have known she was dying I would have went down there with my dad and said goodbye to her. Why? Because the only memories that I have of her are good ones. The few times that I saw her in my life was good times. She never said anything bad to me. She hugged me, kissed me, and told me she loved me. That’s what I remember about my grandmother, but I’m having a hard time feeling anything right now. I don’t know what I should be doing right now. I’m going through so many different emotions that I feel like I’m drowning. I know I usually end this these on a positive note, but I’m not sure what I can say that’s positive about all of this, but I’ll try. So I’m taking a few days to myself. I need to be there for my dad and center my feelings. I just need some time. Things should be back to normal in a few days.
To get my mind off of everything I booted up the first game I could think of. I started playing Diablo III on my PC and started grinding my Necromancer up to level 70 (I’m currently level 67) and I should hit that milestone tonight if I play. I’m trying to get the seasonal rewards so I’ve been slowly grinding my way up the seasonal goals. I’m almost on page 3. I just need to hit level 70 to move on. I don’t really have a definitive build yet. I do like shooting bones at mobs though and that’s what I’m mostly using. If there’s a bone spell I’m using it. I also like shooting everything with my blood, but bones are cooler.
Since Destiny 2 is free on PC I went ahead and downloaded it (80 GBs btw) and it’s much better on PC than console. It runs like a dream on my rig and it doesn’t matter how crazy things get my FPS never dipped. I went in with really low expectations.The stage design (right now) is average at best, but it’s something to do and I the gameplay is excellent so there’s that…
I’m sorry for the long rant up there. Thank you for reading.